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Naga wrote:I've re-read my copy of Thailand Fever looking for some clue to my wife's behavior.
My wife is constantly talking to me in a way that I would personally reserve for a child. Statements like: "You can take off shoe.", "You can take shower.", "You can get ready to go to store.", "You can wash car.", "You can do this, you can do that." After sever years of marriage, this is nothing new. What is new is that my wife has health problems and I spend most of my time with her. Two years before, I had a life of my own and I wasn't spending the entire day in the same house with her. So the constant "orders" are really grating on me, and I've told her so. On many occasions I've told her that she talks to me the way a mother would talk to a child that she is instructing. But bringing this to her attention accomplishes next to nothing. She keeps it up, and I've dropped down to the level of either referring to her as คุณแม่ or simple stating after her comments "คำสั่งเมียใช่ไหม". I've even marked out pages in Thailand Fever for her to read regarding how Westerner's would consider this to be inappropriate, but the book stays on the desk with the bookmarks still in place. She isn't going to read it, and I'm disappointed in her lack of desire to compromise.
I've got a 55 year old wife talking down to me like I'm a 7 year old, but unfortunately for her I'm in my mid-60s and I support the family on my sole income.
So, is it normal for Thai wife's to talk like this to their Thai husbands? I don't get it. Maybe that's why Thai men end up with mia nois and gigs? What am I missing here in the Thai culture that makes her think her behavior toward me is acceptable?
Pirin wrote:Naga wrote:I've re-read my copy of Thailand Fever looking for some clue to my wife's behavior.
My wife is constantly talking to me in a way that I would personally reserve for a child. Statements like: "You can take off shoe.", "You can take shower.", "You can get ready to go to store.", "You can wash car.", "You can do this, you can do that." After sever years of marriage, this is nothing new. What is new is that my wife has health problems and I spend most of my time with her. Two years before, I had a life of my own and I wasn't spending the entire day in the same house with her. So the constant "orders" are really grating on me, and I've told her so. On many occasions I've told her that she talks to me the way a mother would talk to a child that she is instructing. But bringing this to her attention accomplishes next to nothing. She keeps it up, and I've dropped down to the level of either referring to her as คุณแม่ or simple stating after her comments "คำสั่งเมียใช่ไหม". I've even marked out pages in Thailand Fever for her to read regarding how Westerner's would consider this to be inappropriate, but the book stays on the desk with the bookmarks still in place. She isn't going to read it, and I'm disappointed in her lack of desire to compromise.
I've got a 55 year old wife talking down to me like I'm a 7 year old, but unfortunately for her I'm in my mid-60s and I support the family on my sole income.
So, is it normal for Thai wife's to talk like this to their Thai husbands? I don't get it. Maybe that's why Thai men end up with mia nois and gigs? What am I missing here in the Thai culture that makes her think her behavior toward me is acceptable?
Before interpreting whether your wife generally adds any atttitude in her wording when she says things (in Thai) to you, please let us know the answers of these two questions.
1. How fluent is your wife in your language?
2. How fluent are you in Thai or her language?
Naga wrote:Pirin wrote:
....
Before interpreting whether your wife generally adds any atttitude in her wording when she says things (in Thai) to you, please let us know the answers of these two questions.
1. How fluent is your wife in your language?
2. How fluent are you in Thai or her language?
She is fluent in English. I read and write Thai and about a P.2 level, and speak, but far from being fluent. In the village when we are together, most Thais will simply talk to her when we are together and completely ignore me even when I'm speaking Thai and attempting to join the conversation. And she'll ignore me too. Considering I now live in a rural Thai village, having Thais talk as though I'm not even in the room is another completely different issue, and one that I find immensely disrespectful. I'm not fluent, but the Thai I do speak is pronounced well. Another idiosyncrasy of Thai culture when คุณแม่ isn't lecturing me on when to take my shoes off?
Pirin wrote:Once you decide to live in a community whose culture is different from your original one, it is advisable that you are aware of the situation when lots of people know nothing about your original culture.
bifftastic wrote:"You can take off shoe.", "You can take shower.", "You can get ready to go to store.", "You can wash car."
Don't sound like the sentence constructions of someone who is fluent in English.
Maybe that's just the way your wife has learned those phrases, and what she means is "Can you take off your shoes? etc. etc.
Thai, when you don't add the polite particles, is quite an abrupt language (that's probably why they have the polite particles). English doesn't have any, so if you take an abrupt Thai sentence, translate it into English without the possibility of adding the politeness in the normal (Thai) manner, you get abruptness. Which is what you've got.
As for not being included in conversations, that's a whole different matter. That does happen to me sometimes. If I don't like it enough, I'll go back to where it happened (police station, doctor's office, bank, wherever), by myself.
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